aldo-vallon - January 29, 2019
I have only just recently discovered that glitter is terrible for the environment. Apparently glitter is just made up of fragments of plastic whose sole purpose in life—after being washed off strippers boobies—is to go out and choke sea turtles, or some shit. What that means is, the propaganda that says corporations are responsible for destroying the environment is a load of crock.
The real culprits are actually kindergarteners, strippers, and Aubrey O’Day. They have such a great PR team, though, barely anyone knows about it. I only wish I could do more to help fight this disgusting habit that is equally as bad as the Japanese killing whales.
Maybe it is time for a guerrilla unit to start taking matters into their own hands. Just like back in the day when PETA would throw red paint on people who wore fur, we should start throwing whatever liquid defeats glitter onto kindergarteners, strippers, and Aubrey O’Day. I don’t know what liquid is capable of such a task, because everything I have tried in my life has failed. Maybe turpentine would work?
This post was paid for by our good friends at People’s Petroleum International, LLC.
Photo Credit: Instagram