bill-swift - April 11, 2015
There comes a time when even kin must go to war. My brother from another mother, Mr. Skin and I are having a feud. With Game of Thrones premiering this weekend once more on HBO, we got into a conversation about the best HBO nude scene shows of all time. Chairs were thrown, drinks were spilled, Chicago style dogs were slung. We agreed to put it up to a vote, with each of us 'drafting' our team of five favorite HBO nude shows of all time for the skintastic factor and let you decide who's the champ. This is how men who love boobs decide important matters.
Be sure to check out the NSFW Video Compilation for Each of Our Teams. It's rather boob-blessed.
The Egotastic Lineup: Game of Thrones, True Blood, Boardwalk Empire, Big Love, Sex and the City
The Mr. Skin Lineup: Rome, True Detective, Dream On, Tell Me You Love Me, Girls
Now, I ask you, being completely objective even though I'm your very favorite uncle, who drafted the better lineup of HBO Nude Shows?
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Here's how the detailed drafting went down between teams...
(PICK 1: EGO) GAME OF THRONES
Every bit of fantastic topless production HBO ever did was all leading up to Game of Thrones. Emilia Clarke, the mother of dragons, stepping out of the bath tub may just be the reason God invented premium cable. Add to that top drops by Rose Leslie, Carice Van Houten, Natalie Dormer, Nathalie Emmanuelle, Lena Headey taking it from her brother, scores of busty brothel babes and defrocked holy women and you know exactly why Winter has been coming for four seasons straight now. Mr. Skin, I shall slay you with puns and better draft picks!
(PICK 2: MR. SKIN) ROME
Bill, my friend, while Game of Thrones seems like a total no-brainer of a first round pick, that show wouldn't exist without Rome. With nude scenes from over a dozen beautiful actresses, including future GOT star Indira Varma, Rome was jam packed with nudity, orgies, and it paved the way for other skin-filled historical epic shows like Spartacus. For a toga dropping good time, all roads lead to Rome.
(PICK 3: MR SKIN) TRUE DETECTIVE
Two words: Alexandra Daddario. That's all I really need to say. However, in addition to that amazing scene, in just ten episodes, this show also gave us nude scenes from the beautiful Michelle Monaghan and Lili Simmons, and there are rumors flying around that the second season will feature at least one Eyes Wide Shut style orgy. You don't need a mountain of evidence to see that this is one of the greatest shows in the history of the network.
(PICK 4: EGO) TRUE BLOOD
True Detective was certainly special, but it's only the second best True HBO series. Try True Blood. The little child actress from the Piano and Fly Away Home. Who would've thought she'd grow up to be a topless campy vampire on HBO? Unlike my first pick, Game of Thrones, which is one awesome bit of bloody knights and dragon fare, True Blood is really more for the ladies. But HBO knows what brings in the boyfriends. Anna's immortal orbs along with a recurring host of ethnically diverse boob baring blood suckers including Lizzy Caplan to kick off the inaugural season and you have one HBO that truly does not suck.
(PICK 5: MR SKIN) DREAM ON
Dream On was the defining show for nudity in the 90s. This hysterically funny series gave us so many nude and sexy scenes from actresses before they hit it big like Catherine Bell, Courteney Cox, Debbe Dunning, Andrea Parker, Annabelle Gurwitch, and Robin Tunney, not to mention skin legends like Monique Gabrielle and Mimi Rogers. With over 40 different actresses doing nude scenes, this one's just too good to ignore.
(PICK 6: EGO) BOARDWALK EMPIRE
It doesn't surprise me with your advancing years you went back to the 90's for Dream On. I'll see you one decade better and go back to the 1920's with Boardwalk Empire which routinely featured Paz de la Huerta and a host of other full bodied tarty Prohibition era babes removing their clothes for numerous memorable sex scenes. Gretchen Mol coming out of retirement to bare her veteran funbags in multiple show moments? That's how I spell gangster.
(PICK 7: MR SKIN) TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
This series only aired one season, but what a season it was. Not only did future Hawaii Five-0 star Michelle Borth go fully nude and (allegedly) have unsimulated sex with two different dudes, but the show also showed an actual hand job! The beautiful Sonya Walger gave Adam Scott a handy, complete with a money shot on the very first episode! This was by far the most graphic and realistic depiction of sex ever to air on television.
(PICK 8: EGO) BIG LOVE
I'll admit Big Love was not my favorite HBO show. But the genius of the network is taking even it's not super scripted content and adding a whole heap of mostly naked to entirely naked women in baths, showers, and beds. Even when we're peeking in on strict Mormon households. Ginnifer Goodwin and Chloe Sevigny both bared bodied as good wives. Had Jeanne Tripplehorn or Amanda Seyfried gone full Utah, I probably would've ranked this show even higher.
(PICK 9: EGO) SEX AND THE CITY
Much like my last pick, Sex and the City was a show even my girlfriend couldn't get me to watch. But I have respect for HBO in seeing the potential of a show about independent women in New York taking control of their own sex lives and baring their racks in the process. Not only did we get veteran Kim Cattrall catty showoff, but Kristin Davis and an unexpected twist of the ta's from Cynthia Nixon. If I could stand Sara Jessica Parker's voice, I could watch full episodes.
(PICK 10: MR SKIN) GIRLS
Look, Sex and the City was a great show, but its millennial counterpart, Girls, is a truly groundbreaking, down and dirty show in terms of sex and nudity. Not only did Allison Williams get her ass eaten out just a month after playing Peter Pan, but Roswell star Shiri Appleby made her nude debut while getting a pearl necklace in season three! On top of that, unlike Sex and the City, Girls also has a star at its center who is not afraid to be nude on just about every episode, for better or worse. Poor is the pupil who does not surpass his master, and Girls definitely surpasses Sex and the City.
Mr. Skin Offering $4/Month Deal on Annual Subscriptions to Celebrate This Historic Battle