Crystal Harris Can’t Runaway From Being Hot and Topless in New Playboy

CHECK OUT THE ALMOST MRS. HEFNER IN HER BIRTHDAY SUIT

God bless, Heff. The octogenarian publisher releases nekkid photos of Crystal Harris, his hottie 20-something wife-to-be, in his own bleepin' magazine timed exactly with his own wedding date. That's pretty damn close to Icarus taking those waxy wings up too close to large solar panel in the sky. Just too much. And, inevitably, karma stepped in an Crystal ran from the altar, and probably in a pair of crotchless panties too. Still, we'll always have July. Playboy July that is, where you can see what Heff will now not be seeing on his next wedding night (I know, poor Heff, only constant and unending sex with Playboy models for more than five decades). Enjoy.