RELATIONSHIP NEWS FOR DUDES: Mila Kunis Finally Home Alone, Selena Gomez Shares the Love Whose Name We Dare Not Speak

My girlfriend says guys care about relationships us much as women. It's one of those traps she sets for me where I'm supposed to say that's not true then she'll ask me if I don't care about our relationship either. Got to be a chess master to outmaneuver a woman. Think several moves ahead.

However, she is right in that there is one thing guys do care about -- who is available. Of course, in my dreams, all these sexy celebrities throw away their cash and superstardom and relationships with other celebrities for one night of submissive cosplay in my basement playroom. But, to be realistic, it would help big time if they were on the market.

So, hey, Mila Kunis is now single again. Did you even know she's been seeing Home Alone munchkin McCauley Caulkin for the past too many years? (read more at Celebuzz)

And, I can barely even type this without crying: barely legal hottie Disney diva, Selena Gomez, and teen spawn of Satan, Justin Bieber, were hanging out on a boat making out this weekend. Oh, yeah, the Apocalypse is soon upon us. (see the full damage at Celebuzz)

Updated to Add: Seriously, make it stop!!!!! We need holy water and a 5-foot tall delivery system to get him right in the face.