Candice Swanepoel Teasy Covered Topless Lingerie Spread Seals Her Seat at the Head of the V.S. Table

I would shank any one of you in the shower for a chance to spend five minutes in the broom closet with any one of the Victoria's Secret roster of lingerie hotties. But I'd probably take out my own mom if the prize were some alone time with Candice Swanepoel. I'm sorry, mom, but you didn't raise no fool.

My lust for all things Candice has been steady, continuous, and non-stop for several years now. I'm not sure anybody on this planet wears, or doesn't wear, a bra and panties quite as smoothly and effectively as Candice. Even the Russian judges are scoring her perfect 10's. How can you not? That's rhetorical. You can mock my sports teams and my questionable choice of Target wardrobe, but if you ever criticize Candice in front of me, you're going to have to watch me cry. You do not want that, my friend. Trust me. Enjoy.