CELEBRITIES

Pippi Longstocking Actress Tami Erin on PornHub, Because Porn Is Awesome

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bill-swift - May 3, 2016

What has truly changed on this planet since the dawn of the world wide web? You can talk to Grandma on Skype. You did that before on the telephone. And without Grandma constantly asking if she's talking into the right hole. You don't need that. Banking? You did that before and got to see the sexy tellers at the branch. I miss the sultry ladies behind the reinforced plexiglass. It was like a hotties in business suits zoo. And the free lollipops. I miss reading the Sports section in a real newspaper. Articles used to appear on a page or two. Never a listicle countdown. I can get obscure stats on obscure players in obscure sports in five seconds, but sports journalism has declined right along with its digital ease of publishing. It's a wash, at best.

It's porn that's become epically better. Better, easier, universal. I love celebrity porn. Places like PornHub have tons of leaked celebrity sex tapes. My personal favorite is Tami Erin, the young actress from Pippi Longstocking who got all grown up and found something more interesting to do with her pigtails. There's something especially naughty about this one. Could you see Pippi blowing a dude before the Internet? Maybe in Nordic illuminated novels kept church crypts. Not pulled up on your phone on demand from anywhere in the world. 

It's not that hard to envision how you got spending cash before ATMs, or how you listened to music on cassette tapes. Same money, same music. But who can remember tugging one out before Internet porn? The promise of flying cars and vegetables that taste like anything other than vegetables never materialized. Internet porn has exceeded expectations. May you live in interesting times. With decent streaming speed. Bless you, greatest invention ever. Enjoy.


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