Irina Shayk Summertime Asstastic Might Be Causing the Heat Wave

I think I may have identified the source of the heat wave sweeping the right half of the nation -- Irina Shayk and her sweet lycra covered sweaty bottom. I know this climatological theory sounds far fetched, but so was Global Warming when first introduced (well, I mean, this Shayk theory has actual science behind it). Her derriere is like a little mini-power plant, that flares when stretched and worked and ogled heavily by passer-byers, creating an affect similar to fusion or fission or something along those lines, and, voila, intense gamma radiation, solar flares, and the Van Allen Belt swells. And that's not all that swells if you leer at Irina Shayk in skin tight workout gear in the summer heat. Drink plenty of fluids!  Enjoy.