Jen Garner’s Rock Hard Nipples Poking Through Slightly See-Through Sports Bra

I like to think I'm on a nickname basis with Jen Garner, which is why I don't call her Jennifer like the rest of you rubes! Jen and I have a good thing going where I call her Jen and she continues to ignore my existence. Don't worry, though, soon enough she'll be all chummy and call me, "Bri," so I have that to look forward to.

I'm glad to see Jen Garner's nipples are doing good following her official split from that diseased rotting carcass known as Ben Affleck. She could do so much better, and I'm not just talking about me now, okay. She could totally do better than Ben Affleck. She could be with, I don't know, Jon Hamm or somebody. Or me. I'm available.

I feel like if Jen Garner got to hang out with me for like, a half a day... no, wait a whole day, she needs a whole day to get to know the real me. Maybe a week. Look, Jen, you should just think about moving in. It's gonna be great, I promise, and you really don't have to worry, my mom says that we can have the whole downstairs to ourselves. Call me.

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Photo Credit: Splash News / Backgrid USA