Egotastic! Web Exclusive: Tanning Mom Patricia Krentcil Topless Bikini Pictures (Lord Help Me)

Okay, here's the deal. According to the ancient scrolls of Egotastic!, and the divine rulings of the Council of Elders, we are somewhat bound here to provide the general public with pictures of celebrities when captured topless and nekkid. 99% of the time, this is pretty job. 1% of the time, this is a dirty job. This is the 1% of the time.

Patricia Kretncil came to fame when the dark and leathery skinned woman was busted for taking her kindergarten aged daughter to the tanning salon to begin her process into the wonderful world of looking stupid with only a moderate risk of skin cancer. Well, now 'Patty' is trying to turn her fifteen seconds of fame into some actual cash the only way she could think of -- asking Vivid if they'd put her in porn. To prove what a catty sexy cougar she is, Patty hit the beach in a bikini that didn't stay on for long and, well, these are the results.

View at your own risk. Don't look at them and then come complaining to me. I'm serious, stop right now, this is all you.

Photo credit: PCN