The Big Apple Is About to Get Its Stem Polished

Not since the beast in Cloverfield has the former New Amsterdam been in such credible danger of rampage and destruction from such a monstrous force. Of course, the Kardashian she-bots look quite a bit hotter than the reptilian beast that crushed its way across the Big Apple in the movie; but, then, Kris Jenner is far smarter than any alien mastermind hell-bent on conquering earth. I take that back, Kris Jenner is an alien-mastermind hell-bent on conquering earth.

In their latest commercial venture, the reality show Kourtney and Kim Take New York (really, it's just one of seventy-three latest commercial ventures), Kim Kardashian and Kourtney Kardashian have been dispatched to New York City (by way of Photoshop and green screen technology apparently) to reverse rape and pillage the damn place with their boobtastic/asstastic miniature profiles in craftiness. Oh, sure, there will be some pretext like opening up a new store or launching a new line of baby-llama skin boots or such, but it'll mostly be about the Kardashian she-bots licking their lips and pretty much licking whatever else stands in their way as they wrap their legs around around the pop culture rainbow and slide down toward an ever growing pot o' gold. Don't blame the girls, it's just how they were coded. Enjoy.

Photo credit: Splash News

P.S. Wherefore art thou, Khloe?